Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
