Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Randomize
