I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
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