Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Randomize
