So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Randomize
