you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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