Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
