I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Randomize
