My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
