I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
