btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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