I hope my margaritas pass through security.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
