like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
