yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
