i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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