So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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