It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
