at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
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