there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
