I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Randomize
