She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I have aggressive nipples.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize
