So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
