(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
