Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
