it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
