dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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