u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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