i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Randomize
