I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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