Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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