im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
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