the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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