i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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