you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Randomize
