Define "chronic" masturbator.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
