he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
