just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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