But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Randomize
