hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
