I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
