There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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