is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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