how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
