her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I need to calm my uterus...
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize