I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
pray to the hookup gods
Randomize
