it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize