How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
