i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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