Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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