a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
