I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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