You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
