it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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