3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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