Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
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