It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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