i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
