i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
