You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
