do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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