Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
