I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize