Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Green mimosas i think yes
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize