Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Randomize
